aiukli: life is beautiful

A good friend of mine wrote this on her blog, and I just wish I had the guts to put it out there like she did....



I have a lot on my mind..

Why is it always we're really up or really down? Our relationship has been through every test.. distance, lies, accusations. Right when I think we're about to get it right.. something goes wrong. You know I love you... is that why you push me? Always on the edge.. I wanna move on. I wanna take the flaws that our relationship had and learn from them and move on. Why do I hold on? You treat me bad because I let you. Time after time. And you say you're sorry so I let it slide. You're not sorry though, right? If I give you a mile, you'll take two. It's always on my shoulders to fix it too. No matter what I've done right or what you've done wrong.. somehow the situation is always manipulated into my fault. When will I say this is too much?... I won't let you walk on me anymore. I think I hold on because I remember the fabulous guy you used to be. Remember four years ago, we were at my house. It was dark, and I wanted a firefly.. I couldn't catch one. You ran all the way down my driveway chasing a certain one because I said it shined the brightest.

That's what I'm doing now.. Chasing the brightest one.

But I keep running and reaching. Right when I'm about to close in.. you slip away. But is it time to accept that you're not that guy anymore? Just thinking about it brings me to tears. I know I have my faults, but we can't ever seem to get past mine. If I mess up one time it's WW3. But you... you looked me right in the eyes and lied after you said it would be different. You had changed. How can you say you love someone and look them directly in the eyes and lie? And the girls.. I guess I will just never be able to compare to anyone.

I can't give you anymore babe, I've given you everything I have, and it's never going to be enough for you to love me as I am.