not that I have many readers....

but my midlife crisis is over. I just kinda freaked out a little bit. I think I just look at my mom and see her unmarried and freak out that I will be the same way.....but my mom being unmarried is partly my fault since I never got close to anyone that she dated.....except one man, and he didn't want children.....I don't know why I freaked out, I have an arranged marriage. But can an arranged marriage take the place of love? I don't know. and I want to be LOVED again. I miss being in love and having a relationship......... and it doesn't help that the ex that got drafted is ......... I don't know what he's doing, talking? to a girl I thought was my friend....but what do I know. A lot of people are fake nowadays. I'm ranting again....I will go to bed and get lost in my book again, that's what I do when I don't want to deal with what's going on in my real life.

oh, and today is my father's birthday, happy 45th. I feel really guilty about that business.