not that I have many readers....

but my midlife crisis is over. I just kinda freaked out a little bit. I think I just look at my mom and see her unmarried and freak out that I will be the same way.....but my mom being unmarried is partly my fault since I never got close to anyone that she dated.....except one man, and he didn't want children.....I don't know why I freaked out, I have an arranged marriage. But can an arranged marriage take the place of love? I don't know. and I want to be LOVED again. I miss being in love and having a relationship......... and it doesn't help that the ex that got drafted is ......... I don't know what he's doing, talking? to a girl I thought was my friend....but what do I know. A lot of people are fake nowadays. I'm ranting again....I will go to bed and get lost in my book again, that's what I do when I don't want to deal with what's going on in my real life.

oh, and today is my father's birthday, happy 45th. I feel really guilty about that business.

I had a mini, pre-mid-life crisis today.

so my ex of 2 years (we dated for 2 years, 2 years ago) was drafted 8th round last night into the MLB by the Orioles. I kinda freaked out. if he goes, will he forget me??? I know we won't be married (at this point I don't think we ever were meant to be, but it was nice to think we were when we were together), but I just am afraid of losing him forever.....I love him (not a romantic love) and I already have a void caused by him......I lost a best friend. it SUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS. 

major. so then I freaked out more. what if I'm always alone, and all I will have is the stories of someone I USED to date and is famous now. ugh. sometimes I hate boys. really. really really hate them. but they're fun too. and I'm rambling. ha ha

(the not-so-Friday) Friday's Feast

Appetizer

When you drink soda/pop/coke, do you prefer to drink it from the bottle, a can, or after pouring it into a cup?

hmm....I've never really thought about this. I can drink it any way, but I think I prefer a bottle.

Soup

What television show are you willing to stay up late to watch?

this is easy: 1 of 3:  Grey's Anatomy, Pushing Daisies, or the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.

Salad

Name one person, place, or thing you think of as brilliant.

my grandmother, Emma Darris. but she doesn't know she is.

Main Course

Would you be willing to work 4 10-hour days instead of 5 8-hour days to save gas?

that would depend on which job you are asking me about. Gap yes. concessions, actually, it doesn't matter because that's 7 days a week. so yes. ha ha.

Dessert

If you were a superhero, what would you call yourself?

ok, I'm going to be lazy on this one, the purple tiger.....fav. color + fav. animal (but my favorite animal is actually the white tiger. ha ha.

Wordless Wednesday

SOOOO........

as I was walking from the building I work at to my car tonight, there were hundreds of fireflies (lightening bugs, whatever you want to call them) flying around. I couldn't help but reminisce back to my first love....

soon after the night of his graduation (he was 2 years older than me), I was terrified. I thought I was going to marry him someday, so I kinda freaked out when I realized he was going off to college. I did a reverse in age: I made him get a jar to put fireflies in. I then made him catch them with me......

of course, it was summer time for the both of us....and that's what a summer love should be.

I miss silly things like that, being able to run through the yard giggling with someone I care about, just to have him wrap his arms around me and kiss me and tell me I'm crazy but it's sexy.

I've had some rotten eggs for boyfriends (it seems like a lot here lately) and it makes me wonder if I'll ever have this again. sometimes I miss being in a relationship, and sometimes I am SO GLAD I'm single.....but I still miss having that best friend to talk to every night just before I fall asleep....

this yearning makes me your typical girl that's looking for love (in all the wrong places, perhaps?) and that's kind of annoying.

Wordless Wednesday

it's been a long time.