Monday, June 25, 2007

A good friend of mine wrote this on her blog, and I just wish I had the guts to put it out there like she did....

I have a lot on my mind..

Why is it always we're really up or really down? Our relationship has been through every test.. distance, lies, accusations. Right when I think we're about to get it right.. something goes wrong. You know I love you... is that why you push me? Always on the edge.. I wanna move on. I wanna take the flaws that our relationship had and learn from them and move on. Why do I hold on? You treat me bad because I let you. Time after time. And you say you're sorry so I let it slide. You're not sorry though, right? If I give you a mile, you'll take two. It's always on my shoulders to fix it too. No matter what I've done right or what you've done wrong.. somehow the situation is always manipulated into my fault. When will I say this is too much?... I won't let you walk on me anymore. I think I hold on because I remember the fabulous guy you used to be. Remember four years ago, we were at my house. It was dark, and I wanted a firefly.. I couldn't catch one. You ran all the way down my driveway chasing a certain one because I said it shined the brightest.

That's what I'm doing now.. Chasing the brightest one.

But I keep running and reaching. Right when I'm about to close in.. you slip away. But is it time to accept that you're not that guy anymore? Just thinking about it brings me to tears. I know I have my faults, but we can't ever seem to get past mine. If I mess up one time it's WW3. But you... you looked me right in the eyes and lied after you said it would be different. You had changed. How can you say you love someone and look them directly in the eyes and lie? And the girls.. I guess I will just never be able to compare to anyone.

I can't give you anymore babe, I've given you everything I have, and it's never going to be enough for you to love me as I am.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

one amazing week.

so I had some bad bad drama on Saturday that rained on my happy parade. but it got settled a little bit Sunday..well actually for the most part was settled on Sunday but one individual was not settled. lol sorry I'm warning you now I will go on and on and on. =) sorry I'm so overjoyed right now. anyways. Monday morning I left for FALLS CREEK and had the most AMAZING time there. The speaker we had this year was the best I've ever heard. PERIOD. he delivered the gospel in a way that I have never experienced before. =) the band(s) were amazing. I love April Clay. she seems to be a woman truly after God's heart and the way she leads worship is so.....calming. I have a new hero! (Shoutout to my Oklahomie nate! lol) I watched God work in the lives of the ALL the students there, including my own two brothers. I saw one of my bestest friends in the world come to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. THAT brought more joy than my heart could handle, and I cried tears of joy for about an hour.

and the BEST thing of the week?? I turned my phone on today for the first time, and I too have been forgiven =) my life is so amazing right now, and I owe it all to God. He is everything to me, and I wouldn't have happiness without him. so if you are reading this (the person that forgave me) thank you so much, you can't even begin to imagine how happy I am right now, and you have given me part of that joy. I love you still, even though we don't have to be friends =)