!!!!!!

ok..so here lately, I've just been in one of those "the whole world sucks and I'm ready for it to be over with" kind of moods..I don't know what it was about today, but I'm in a strangely happy mood. And I can't explain it.

maybe it's because I haven't skipped a class yet this week =) lol but I did sleep through two ((oooooops.)) HOWEVER I did not skip my Choctaw class at all this week [and in case you didn't know, I HATE that class!]

maybe because it has been raining all week AND I LOVE THE RAIN.

maybe because I went to Paradigm tonight.

maybe because even though my....whatever you call it...with Bobby is NOT AT ALL where I want it to be, I sat back this week and realized that that relationship is just one part of my life that kinda sucks. I love him tons, but honestly, I have a pretty amazing life, filled with some pretty amazing people =)

maybe because Bobby has taken the initiative more times this week than he has in a LONG TIME to talk to me.

MAYBE because I have the best two brothers in the whole world =)

maybe because I started the week off right by going to church with the family!

maybe because I have two little blonde girls that light up my life when they walk into the room and almost tackle me to hug me!

maybe because I'm making an A in Zoology! ((but then again I'm making a C in math =/ ))

maybe because I'm finally starting to realize that it's ok to cry and be sensitive =)

maybe because I'm finally gaining back the confidence I lost so long ago.

maybe because I've gone to the gym 3 times this week and really worked hard!

maybe because I'm getting my flirt on ;-) {{maybe because I missed FLIRTING!}}



or maybe, just maybe, it's all of these things combined =)

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY (SpRiNg BrEaK!)

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY (love is in the air!)

oh the things I will do to not do homework.

So it's time for paper #3 in my comp class. it's kinda a hard paper too, we have to define celebrity and based on that definition must indicate whether a list of people that she gave us is a celebrity or not. first rough draft is due tomorrow, and we have to have 3 pages for it. I'm on page 2.

it's kinda hard to do, because I think there are so many different ways to define celebrity. and just because a person is famous, does that mean that he or she is a celebrity? I don't think so, take Osama bin Laden for example. he's famous, right?? Everyone in America knows what his face looks like. but is he a celebrity?? the answer is absolutely not.

so you see my dilemma??? oh well...hey I just got more ideas from writing just a little bit about the paper. woo hoo!!

I'm a little bit better than what I was on Thursday, hope y'all can forgive the little depressed post I had last time. I just felt HORRIBLE about some things. but I still don't know what I want anymore

so I went and watched WE ARE MARSHALL with a friend, Daniel on Friday. definitely not something you want to go watch the first time you hang out with someone, I about started crying and I wasn't too happy about that! and then after the movie I went and hung out with one of my guy friends at his apartment..it was a great weekend!

well I guess I'll try to get back to being productive...

.....

I don't know what I want anymore.

I either want you to love me or let me go.

maybe if I pushed you away, did something to make you HATE me, it would be easier..

I just can't handle it after what happened last night.

Bobby got into a wreck. it was kinda bad. I just blew it off. then I got mad over some stupid childish things.

If I really love him, why on earth would I do that??

He doesn't need me, he deserves so much better than that.

but he doesn't even know I was mad.

I cried for hours after I realized how selfish I was being.

I truly do love him more than any other guy I've said "I love you" to.

so why am I holding him back??

I'm gonna go before the tears start coming again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"you can be my SuPeRMaN, save me here I am..
There's nothing I won't do
to spend my life with you,
I promise...."
loooove this song (Promise by Ciara)