Something you hate about yourself.
This is very difficult for me to want to write about the very first day of the new meme. It's not fun to reflect on all of your vulnerabilities and be 100% honest about what it is that a person hates about themself; and, being the critical, overly analytical person that I am, I found multiple things that I'm not so happy about. But that is not a good way to start off a new meme so I decided to narrow down the things I could spill my guts about to 6 things:
- I hate that my mind remembers things that need to be forgotten, insignificant things, and irrelevant things. I have some very bad memories from my early childhood that I wish I could let go. It sucks to have flashbacks of them on the rare occasion that they pop up. But it also reminds me to change the things that occurred and make them better.
- I hate how easily I can give up on myself sometimes. I sold myself out when I started going to school, and began compromising one dream after another. I gave up on med school and settled for physical therapy, and once I got into shadowing for pt I really didn't like it. So then I gave up on that too. But I'm hoping that nursing school is actually the right direction for me, and that I WON'T sell myself short.
- I hate the contempt that I feel at times toward both my parents. It's an intermittent contempt, not necessarily constant. If you didn't already know, my parent's divorced when I was 8. My dad stopped coming around by the time I was 12, so the contempt for him came automatic with the abandonment. However, in the past 2-3 years, my relationship with my mother has dramatically shifted, and I find myself being so angry at her that all I can do is cry about it. I feel like you should never feel that way toward your parents, especially a parent who has sacrificed so much to make your life better.
- I hate how forgiving I can be to certain people. There are definitely 4 people who come to mind that I have let walk all over me over the years that I've known them, and I continuously let them do it. Because of this, you will see on my bucket list that I hope to gain enough courage to tell people how I truly feel about them.
- I hate that I don't take more risks with my appearance. I don't wear makeup often, and when I do, people kind of make a big deal about it ("Who are you trying to impress? etc.). I don't try anything new with either my clothes or my makeup, and the main reason why I wish I did is because I want to be able to find my own unique style. Yes, I do love jeans and t-shirts, but like I've said before, I like feeling like a girl.
- I hate that I'm not more confident in my spiritual relationship with God. This is why I admire my grandmother most. I'm not sure if the lack of confidence comes from me being raised in a generation completely different than my Mimi's or what, but with my family's beliefs, I should KNOW and BE CONFIDENT in every aspect of my spirituality.
Thank you for letting me expose part of myself with you, and for letting me be a little vulnerable today.